TURNING POINT: THE WAY BACK INTO LOVE

When driving, you take the lead of these illustrated road signs to get to your destination. In dating, girls and boys find common ground within the singles’ lane in pursuit of destiny. For most single moms, driving with precaution through a road less travelled, the stoplight is a blinding yet unavoidable reminder of a former life threatening car crash with love.

Don’t get me wrong. Single moms don’t evolve into man-haters. There are still those who remain suckers for love, while some keep a fiberglass to shield off cupid’s arrow. A second or third chance at romance somehow becomes wishful thinking, with your child in mind as possible collateral damage to another blind curve.

My friend and I chatted throughout dinner one night. Two single moms catching up on lost time, talking about men and our fear of failing. It wasn’t after we wiped out a box of pizza that she spilled the beans. She’s in love and didn’t know what to do.

When can you say a guy’s just being a friend? Is there such as thing as too friendly? A cuddle or two, a shoulder to cry on, a doting “tito” to some sort… Is he a friend or a lover?

There was no doubt he loved her kid. She was sure of it. She just needed a clear sign from above on whether or not should she open her heart to her friend. She wasn’t even sure if he was in love with her.  Her sighs accompanied her usual reply to my prodding for her to give love another try.

“I can’t make another mistake, Meg. Another heart ache might push me to insanity and I need to keep myself together for my kid.”

Well, she has a point. I’d diagnose her case as replay phobia: Fear of the past, bigger than her own head. I wasn’t playing “Ms. Know It All” now that I am happily committed, nor did I keep words of enlightenment in fear of another blind leading the blind discussion. I remember, 5 years ago, I once got too vocal against the saying: “The turning point in a girl’s life is when she turns 25.” NO WAY! I got pregnant at 22. Would that saying warn me of another life changing struggle coming soon?  I shrugged off the memory and held my friend’s hand. I felt I needed to lighten up the mood. So I talked some optimism in her.

Maybe our mistakes really shape who we are now. It would have been easier if there were tell tale signs on the roads to keep us from getting jaded. A “no left turn” sign could have avoided unplanned pregnancies, or maybe life should also have pedestrian lanes so police can arrest the jaywalkers who cheat on women. No matter what happened in the past, we can’t do a U-turn to erase the mishaps. Mistakes build character, and everyone is entitled to a second chance. Single mom or not, we journey through bumpy roads that build character and make us better persons. A single mom would know better, I guess, but only holds back bold courage for love because of fear of dragging her kid into a dead end.

I’m not saying we should be happy with the mistakes we made. But, come to think of it, if we never veered off course, we wouldn’t know what love is. I don’t mean LOVE between a man and a woman.  You only take that to experience. I mean the mother-child kind of love that you’ll hold in your heart forever. Hence, single or committed, she shouldn’t fear losing her insanity in case she does another head on impact into heartbreak zone. A mother’s daughter will keep her on her toes no matter what.  So, why not give love another try? Unlike health and finance, love has no insurance policy, neither does it have guarantees of a bright and blissful future. Its success lies on your determination to work the relationship out, no monthly contributions required.

Love doctor signed out, and I left my friend to do her own thinking. I sure do hope what I said will result to something good. Or else, I might have to pay her back everything she spent on dinner, and the damages my advice may cause her.

I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. And so did she.

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Story published in Edge Davao, Page A2 of INdulge section, Vol. 5 Issue 3, 21 March 2012.