Thursday, October 27, 2011


A model-thin advertising mogul who lives out of a suitcase and boasts of a collection of shoes, bags, clothes, and accessories profuse enough to fit the closet of a fashion magazine. This is the movie in my mind. Or, should I say, was.

I had a wishlist of what I wanted to happen to my life in the next 6 years. I dreamed, prayed, and hoped. Despite the movie character I longed to become, I remained realistic. At the time, I was enjoying my new found career in public relations. I was always on the go as my mind went wild with creative ideas and colorful imaginations. I was (and, if the schedule permits, still am) a workaholic by day, social butterfly by night. I was, then, 22 years old.

Fast forward to 6 years, my profile now reads: Film school graduate, public relations practitioner, advertising creative, word wizard, photo hobbyist, fashion fanatic, partyphile, and SINGLE MOTHER.

I marked a huge X on my former dream character. Now, I am a proud mother of a beautiful 4-year old girl, Tatiana. Reading the title, I say, no, I am not the star of this story. The spotlight is set solely on my daughter. 

Who would have ever thought that a 5-pound baby would balloon into a 4 year old kid in just a blink. Time flies so fast. As I look back, from the hour I gave birth to her to how we are today, I begin to realize how blessed I am to have her in my life. Iana (pronounced as Yana), as she is fondly called, taught me the kind of love that is all-encompassing, unconditional, and genuine. I fell in love with life, all the more. 

Imagine, going through 22 hours of labor ALONE! But she was worth the wait. Iana came out, perfectly pinkish and pretty, through normal delivery. I went through it all, drug-less and pain-less. I was trained by my mom's own words and knowledge of the Lamaze Childbirth technique. Mommy passed away a year before I saw the two tell-tale lines on the HCG test result (Memory flash: I let out a silent scream when I realized the lines meant there were already two of us in one body). I had my mom's published work on Lamaze and her spirit by my side to keep me strong and focused til the baby went out. It wasn't exactly an easy breeze, but it was not as horrifying as the other cases I witnessed before I went in the delivery room.  

In her first word and step, every milestone she made, I found more reasons to be a better person and embrace life. My daughter is my strength now as my mom had been before. She contradicted every negative thought in my head. She loved me like I was her sun and moon. It is through her that I learned the art of forgiving. I shed out whatever excess baggage I had (both emotionally and physically) from the moment I held Iana in my arms. 

Iana inherited my love for fashion and my mom's flair for modeling, dancing, and role playing. She mirrors my mom in the manner she reprimands me when I come home late, and in some other distinct qualities such as her sociability, confidence, and flawless skin. She is sunshine in every room, ever bubbly, cheerful, and energetic. Get this: Her laughter is really contagious. She gets a lot of ooh's and ahh's with her antics and signature poses. She even learned to flirt with the camera at an early age. Well, as a consolation, at least the flirting is only focused on the camera, and I hope it won't be redirected to boys when she hits her teens.

Now that last one made me think about our future. With the little cat fights we have on few occasions (translation: 5 times a day), I can already imagine us bringing the down house, bickering and squabbling our hearts out to win The Clash of the Queen-Wannabe's. But I know we'll have more love to share over the years. We won't be filthy rich, but we'll be millionaires in friends and blessings. We won't live in a mansion, but we'll have a roof to protect us and a room to decorate to our own style. We both might not fill our longing for a relationship with our biological fathers, but we'll gain an extended family in others. All these wishful thinking, we both take them to heart. Fears, joys, hobby, style, and dreams --- we share almost everything. Well, except for my wish for time to slow down, and keep my princess a baby for a little while longer.

I love you, my Tatiana. Now, always, and forever.



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